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Maybe they exist beyond the weakening memories. Do they remember me? Am I just a weak, rough memory for their minds to ponder over, as well? Am I just a wilted, discarded husk in a long since abandoned airport? Sometimes I worry that I’ll never fly again. Sometimes I worry that the clouds will always waltz so high above me, their only contact being the occasional tears of pity they cry down on this ragged planet, and the husks of what once lived here. I can’t remember the last time I left this tent. I lie here, staring up. And up. And up. I’ve become so familiar with the smooth fabric over my head, shielding me from those tears that fall down, full of pity for what I’ve become. The slick, cool feeling as my hand brushes against it…the canvas is turquoise. It loves to look down at me, almost as if asking if I can remember the sky. I often wonder if I do remember the sky. I can’t help but feel like the sky was something that existed before this world. It was something to be enjoyed,. One professor of mine postulated that the graduate program was not the right fit for me, as he noticed that I was rather asocial in regard to the homely women. Another professor encouraged me to demonstrate more respect toward the ideas of my colleagues and referred to me as an irreverent ass, as I typically ridiculed my female peers for exhibiting inexcusable idiocy during class. Under the threat of getting booted out of the graduate school program for demonstrating continual indifference toward my feminine colleagues, I reluctantly began attending the local bars with them in attempts to smooth out the turmoil and assume the status of a team player. This experience consistently lead to the same result of me sitting at a sticky bar table for a few hours while everyone around me became increasingly louder and more boisterous as their inhibitions faded with each sip of alcohol. I did not need a liquid boost for my self-confidence or a beverage for an emotional anodyne, so I.
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